


Dyad of the Force

by AFCastleDefender



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Romance, Spoilers, force pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFCastleDefender/pseuds/AFCastleDefender
Summary: SPOILERS! Don't read this if you haven't seen Star Wars: TROS. You can call this a fix-it if you want, but I choose to look at it as the next thing that happens. I don't own these characters - for better or worse, they belong to Disney and LucasFilms.We begin with our girl who is once again alone in a desert, counting the days for something that no one but her believes can or will happen. He promised to come back for her.
Relationships: Ben Solo/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 163
Kudos: 137





	1. Vaporators Humming in the Background

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We rejoin Rey after the events of Exogol.

_A tiny, ravenous wail sounded from the corner of the room, waking Rey from a sound sleep. Next to her, her husband rolled toward her, still more asleep than awake. A grunt emitted from his cocoon of blankets. They were both more than exhausted. They learned quickly that there was no tired in the galaxy like New Baby Tired._

_“I’ll take him,” came a sleep-deprived whisper._

_Rey smiled to herself, loving that he would want to give her the pleasure of a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, even though it was her turn. They’d invested in a supply of infant milk in preparation for the baby’s arrival, but Rey loved the intimacy and bond of breastfeeding their child. Most of all, she loved it when her son’s daddy would snuggle them both close in the bed, watching over them in vulnerable moments. She loved the way the Force hummed around them with satisfaction._

_“No,” Rey whispered in return, rousing herself to a sitting position, “I’ll get him. Thank you, love. Go back to sleep.”_

_The blankets gave a small hum of satisfaction. A snore rose up a moment later._

_The whimpering got louder as Rey approached the cradle. A peek over the side revealed little limbs in full revolt, small fists waving around the mop of dark hair while two long legs cycled under the loosened blankets. Apparently, she mused, her time was up. Their little man let out an outraged cry. He was only willing to wait so long to get what he needed._

_Rey smiled again. It reminded her of someone she knew well._

_She lifted him in her arms. “Oh, come now, little Jedi. Mama’s here. I promise you’ll get what you’re after. Let’s go have a rock in the chair, shall we?”_

_At the sound of her voice, a small and skeptical grunt, not unlike his Papa’s, sounded in her ear as he snuffled while he continued to wave his tiny fists and root for her breast._

_Rey settled them in the chair, pulling the drawstring on her gown to lead him to his midnight snack. Her son settled immediately, humming softly and suckling deeply before his whole body relaxed in a happy sigh. She felt the milk in her body let down for him and a feeling of familiar bliss overtake her._

_Chuckling to herself, Rey began to rock her baby, stroking the beautiful mop of soft, dark hair. He might have his father’s hair, but he definitely had her insatiable appetite. She began to hum softly to him, a song her husband taught her._

_Switching breasts when he began to snuffle again, Rey looked up to see her husband perched on his elbows watching them with what she knew was a small, smirk._

_“What?” she whispered._

_Her husband shook his head. “Nothing. You’re so beautiful. I lo-“_

Rey woke with a start, a fine sheen of sweat coating her upper lip. Looking around her, she took in the sparse tans and creams of the master suite of the Skywalker homestead. She was alone. A sob rose up in her chest, but she pushed it down. It was a good dream. The good dreams were rare.

_He promised her._

That stubbornly beautiful mouth, always drawn just slightly to one side with dark irony or hidden delight, the one that could be so calculating and cruel, the one that trembled with emotions he could never quite control, formed the words she’d once heard in a Force vision and slayed her with tenderness.

“ _I’ll come back for you, Sweetheart._ I promise.”

That voice she’d heard in Maz’s cellars had been Ben’s. She now understood that to be true. It wasn’t a voice from her past on Jakku or either of her parents. It had always been him. They were the balance.

The dyad of the Force. A singularity of spirit and life force that straddled life and death.

That realization was all it took for Rey to maroon herself on yet another desert planet, this one with _two_ unforgiving suns, to wait again for someone she loved to come back for her. At least the accommodations were better this time, though what she knew about moisture farming could fit inside one of the teardrops that fell when he faded away.

Rey believed he would return despite Poe’s sarcastic disbelief and Finn’s worst-case-scenarios. The two men, her brothers in all the ways that counted, assured her that she was family and they would always have a home for her whenever she decided to abandon the gritty, self-imposed limbo of Tatooine.

That knowledge was a balm to her soul.

She had a _family._ That thought bolstered her on the nights when the desert was cold and there was nothing but the sound of vaporators humming in the background, prodding at her sanity, and making her miss Ben like a limb. At those times when it was dark and lonely, no matter how snuggled she was in her blankets, no matter how many times she told herself to end her exile and find her friends, it felt like only a tall man in a black sweater could make it better.

Her Ben. The other half of a bond that ached from the separation.

_Her husband in all the ways that mattered._

Rey revisited all their past Force connections. She cherished each one, even those where they crossed sabers. She could almost feel his strength as he held her at bay, all the while knowing that Ben could never hurt her. Those times were real. She hadn’t imagined them. They weren’t the elaborate fantasy of a lonely woman whose love was gone.

The nightmares taunted her. That last battle featured in her dreams on the nights when she was most afraid that Ben would never come back or that her burdened mind conjured him. Something to make the pain go away. Another phantom family to believe would return.

The sight of Ben falling down an endless hole where she was always just a moment too late to snatch him back from the abyss played in an endless loop. The sight of him disappearing in front of her fed her fear that she had propelled herself into another permanent state of denial at a staggering loss. The knowledge that he had died for her – actually died – caused her to awaken in a cold sweat clutching her pillow, sobbing out her grief on more nights than she could ever scratch into a wall.

During the day, she did her best to go about the tasks of moisture farming. Unsurprisingly, she had been able to rehabilitate most of the machines with parts she’d found in Mos Eisley. It kept her busy. It prevented her from facing the shock of Ben’s death.

She did her best to lock her heart away in a simple box in her mind. It was where she kept his smile. The moment when he nodded to her before she passed him his mother’s saber. The 20-odd seconds when they had both been completely – _finally_ – happy.

At night she could not keep it locked away. It was when she prayed to the Force for rest and told herself that no matter what she knew, he was coming back to her. _He promised_.

Her daily routine was the same for the past three standard months. After she studied her forms, she chased off a few Tusken Raiders who wanted to scavenge the farming droids and ate a meal of rations and water. Then she would check the machinery, train for a few hours, check on the _Falcon_ and then retire to her bedchamber when she was out of tasks. Sometimes she tried to read from one of the ancient texts before pretending to sleep until exhaustion finally won the battle with fear and longing.

Other than the fact that she loved Ben Solo, Rey could not begin to imagine why she was exposing herself to this kind of hurt. She remembered well the feelings of a tiny girl who had been sold as a slave. The one who had to tell herself lies to get through each day.

Another day. Maybe just one more day. Then she would let it all go and seek out her friends. She would…sigh. What she would do was _miss him forever_. Her heart would ache always for the baby boy she would only ever get to hold in her dreams. A beautiful, chubby little imp who was the image of his handsome father. 

Sometimes when the good dreams came to give her respite from the nightmares, her mind would supply the reasons he wasn’t with her at the farm. Ben was on Takodana, dressed like his father, strolling into Maz’s place, cool as you please as Maz scolded him across a crowded bar for the trouble he caused the galaxy. Other times Ben was on Ahch-to, meditating in front of the Prime Jedi, finding his own balance. Still others, he was practicing forms like her, his powerful frame cutting into imaginary foes with raw poetry.

Wherever he was, the Force knew that he wasn’t anywhere she could see him or touch him.

Hours later, Rey turned the corner toward the last vaporator, avoiding the temptation to stop and watch the twin suns setting in the distance. She didn’t need a reminder of the passage of another day. Checking the water levels of the cistern buried in the sand, Rey felt a tingle run up the length of her spine.

A presence announced itself, causing goosebumps to rise in the cool of the desert night, a blue glow reflecting off the silica and crackling in the air. Calling her saber from its place at her belt, Rey turned around, ready to take on any comers.

Her breath caught in her throat as she dropped the saber to the sands. “Ben!”

Without conscious thought, she reached out to his image, only to find her hands unable to grasp at anything material. That piercing gaze held hers as the Force projection flickered in and out. Unlike the ghostly visit she’d seen from Leia and Luke, Ben seemed restive, almost as if he was struggling to move. He confirmed that thought when he visibly gulped and looked over his shoulder at something she could not see.

“Rey…” came a weakened but unmistakable voice. “Rey…the island. _Find me._ ”

Rey bent to grab her saber a moment before she was on the run.


	2. Just. Shut. Up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey races toward Ahch-to, anxious to do whatever is needed to get to Ben, but she gets a visitor. She's not happy to see him.

From her place in the captain’s seat, Rey could just reach the controls to enter the coordinates for Ahch-to while steering the _Falcon_ away from Tatooine.

It was in moments like this that she missed Chewie most. He would have entered the coordinates without looking and told her to keep her “small, pointy chin up.”

When she dropped him off on Kashyyyk, she’d clung to him for a bit while he patted her back and told her that she always had a home with him and his family. Rey had tried to give him the _Falcon_ , but he wouldn’t hear of it. Chewie just wanted her to come back when she “needed him.”

Chewie was the only other living being who felt Ben’s loss nearly as keenly as she did. No matter what Ben had done, he had come back for Rey when she needed him most and Chewie said that it more than made up for what happened to Han. Ben was his nephew again. Wookiees were fierce creatures, but they were also the most forgiving. Rey wished with every bit of her soul that she could have brought Ben to Chewie’s arms to hear it himself.

She assumed that Ahch-to was the island Ben was speaking of, the one she’d dreamed of before she’d ever been there. The one he’d seen when he broke into her mind on Starkiller base. Why he wanted to send her there, she couldn’t guess.

Letting out a deep breath as the ship settled into hyperspace flight, she trusted that the Force would help her.

Ever since Rey boarded the Falcon, she felt Luke’s Force signature somewhere nearby. Between the fight with her evil grandfather and Ben’s sacrifice, all her senses felt heightened and the Force felt blended with the things around her in a way it never had before. Stronger, neither light nor dark.

Not that she’d have a choice if he chose to appear, but Rey didn’t want to see Luke. Or any other Jedi. She didn’t want to discuss anything that happened. She didn’t want to discuss the will of the Force. Not the reasons that Luke helped her get to Exogol and not why he and every other past Jedi Master had given her a pep talk, but no actual help fighting her grandfather before she died.

Before Ben dragged himself out of that pit and gave her everything he had left.

Before her spirit died with him.

There were only a few precious moments of that day that she would acknowledge. The rest were too painful. Even allowing herself to think of those small kernels of light flayed her, but she clung to those edges of herself, the only evidence that Ben Solo was real, and Rey had been right about him.

The first was when she realized that _Ben Solo_ – not Kylo Ren – had come for her to battle the Emperor with nothing more than a blaster. When he nodded at her unspoken question. 

_Ben Solo had come for her._

As they did whenever she thought of that moment, tears streamed down her face in a continuous river of pain. She missed him so much. Rey closed her eyes. She could see Ben’s choice in every line of his body as the Knights of Ren surrounded him, steps from closing in.

Ben returned to her, in those moments before they faced the Emporer, balanced between his Light and Dark like a pendulum that had finally convinced its extremes of motion to call a truce. It was evident in the way the small muscles of his face had softened, surrendering to finally fit in all the planes and angles that proclaimed him the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, making him appear younger than she had ever seen him. It was in the choice to abandon the heavy uniform. It was there in the soft way his eyes captured hers to tell her that he would make good on his promise never to leave her alone.

Rey had his sweater tucked away in her bag. She had not taken it out once since that day on Exogol when it deflated as his form disappeared into the Force. She was afraid that if she brought the fabric to her nose, his scent would be there. She was even more afraid that it would _not_ be there.

“Hey, kid.”

Broken from her reverie with the same sudden and startling force as a ship leaving hyperspace, Rey gasped at the sheepish look on Luke Skywalker’s face. The blue glow around him only sharpened her memories of Exogol.

“What do you want, Master Skywalker?” Rey injected her question with as much formality and venom as she could. It hurt too much to think of the help he’d given her on Ahch-to only to become part of a Force-ghost pep talk that caused the only person who had ever loved her to sacrifice himself to save her.

“I’m here to help if I can.” Luke moved to the co-pilot's seat and sat down in Chewie’s seat without so much as a gesture to see if Rey would allow it.

Rey gave a derisive snort, turning back to the windows of the cockpit, the galaxy’s star systems zipping past her, filling her sight with a blue-white glow. He might decide to project himself on her ship, but that didn’t mean she needed to engage with him.

“Rey…” Luke implored, “…the Jedi. We _never_ abandoned you. We didn’t sacrifice Ben. He made that choice himself. He loved you and came back to the Light for you. Don’t go to the Dark Side for the memory of him.”

Rey rolled her eyes, deciding that since she could not ignore Luke Skywalker, she would give him the dressing down that she had been itching to deliver since Ben’s hand had disappeared from her grasp.

“ _You can stuff that absolute bantha-shit right now!_ ” Rey slammed one fist on the console. “There is no Light or Dark and you _know_ it. How dare you invade my thoughts and my space and try to deliver the lessons you refused me when I first came to you? Do not try to feed me that religious garbage about embracing the Light. There is nothing to scavenge in that _pile_. You know very well that the only way there is balance is if we embrace both the Light and Dark within us. Ben Solo knew it. And I know it. All that choosing the extremes has done for any of us is _fuck up the galaxy_. And my life.”

Rey slammed her spine against the pilot’s seat, her breath coming in short huffs as she fought to regain control. Why couldn’t he just leave? She wanted no part of whatever message dead religious zealots had sent him to give her.

If a Force ghost could swipe a hand over its face in remorse, Luke Skywalker’s Force ghost did it. If they could also sigh, he did that, too. “I’m sorry, Rey. _You’re right_. Old habits, I suppose. A Jedi’s way of persuading those around us.”

Rey huffed again, rolling her eyes so hard that a wave of dizziness clutched at her gut. “ _Persuading?_ Manipulating! I am so tired of others telling me what’s right and wrong. What I must do to be on the right path. _I don’t give a shit about my destiny._ What did that _ever_ do for Ben but cause him pain? There is no destiny for me without him. There is only marking time until I die while the galaxy spins forward without him. While I age into a lonely, bitter old hermit, like you, and Ben stays as he always was.”

She finally broke down, muffled sobs punctuating the quiet of the ship. Rey was so close to unraveling, but she knew she needed to keep it together just a while longer until she could find Ben. Until she could bring him back from wherever he was, whole and safe next to her. She just had to endure the next few minutes of Luke’s presence and then get back to the next action needed in a long list of steps that would undoubtedly be required to get to Ben.

“Rey. I’m sorry.” Luke sighed, watching as she shook her head in denial of an apology given far too late to ever matter. “ _Please listen._ I won’t try to fill the space with any more teachings. The time for that is past. But look inside yourself, Rey. All these months. Don’t you sense it? _Don’t you know?_ ”

Rey didn’t need to close her eyes and meditate to understand what he meant, but she would not discuss it with him. Not now. _Not ever._ The entire pantheon of former Jedi could appear before her in all their blue glowing glory and not a single one of them could compel her to discuss _that_ with them. No matter what omniscience Force ghosts might have, they were not entitled to something so personal. Only Ben.

She would be damned before Rey allowed any other Force user, past or present, to frame her future or the future of… _no_.

“You can’t go after Ben alone, Rey. You don’t understand what’s there. What's after him. It isn’t likely that you would come back. You can’t risk…”

Rey finally turned to look at Luke Skywalker, rage flashing in her eyes. She hoped he saw a great black void when he met them. It would serve him right to stare into the power he had once feared in her. “ _Then help me, damn you!_ Stop telling me what I cannot do. All any of you are good for is looming and delivering holy speeches while you creep in the shadows of life, watching us like bugs on a rock. You want balance for the Force? For the galaxy? _Just. Shut. Up._ Unless you are going to tell me what I need to know to retrieve Ben Solo from whatever pit of hell he is in, or actually show up to help me save him, then do not pretend that you want what is best. The Force bonded us. My grandfather told me. We are a dyad. _A power like life itself._ He was willing to kill us to take that power. I have to believe that this risk is one that I can manage and that power will protect _me_ when I need it most.”

Great sadness descended over Luke’s face, reminding Rey of the day he told her that going to Ben on the _Supremacy_ would not go the way she thought it would. She rejected the idea that this situation would be beyond her ability to conquer. She defeated that grizzled old bastard once known as Sheev Palpatine. She could do this. For Ben, she would try.

“Ben wouldn’t want you to do this, Rey. He may have called for you in a weak moment, he may need help, but if he _knew_ … Don’t make his sacrifice in vain.”

“Luke,” she whispered, the rage of moments ago burning out of her like fog in sunlight, “since I was a child, I have been forced to make choices between two things that will hurt me, picking the one that will hurt me less. It’s no different now. Ben’s pain is my pain. His fear is my fear. I won’t leave him to face either alone. Even if it means _we_ never come back.”

Seeing the resolve in her eyes, Luke nodded, accepting her decision.

“I’m coming with you.”

Somewhere Rey found a small smile. “Thank you for your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my friends! Today I was inspired to give this possible one-shot I did after TROS premiered another chapter. I've been working on I'd Always Come for You as time (and illness) have allowed, but this is what the muse wanted today. Rey needed to get some feelings out there.
> 
> Thoughts? More chapters? What ARE Rey and Luke talking about? What do we think is happening to Ben in Force Limbo?
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I hope you enjoy this. XOXO


	3. Skywalkers are Never Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Luke arrive on Ahch-to and Rey is eager to get to the place she knows will lead her to Ben. Luke stops her mid-rush to deliver some terrifying news. 
> 
> No, nothing with Skywalkers is ever easy. But Ben is worth it.

Rey landed the Falcon on Ahch-to with a tooth-rattling thud, unable to do anything but rush toward Ben and whatever their fate held in store. Scooping up her new saber and a bag of rations, she bounded down the ramp, raising her hand to close it with the Force, unwilling to allow a host of Porgs to eat through the interior.

Taking the endless stone steps two at a time, Rey paused at the top to catch her breath, watching as the Lanai danced in Thanksgiving around the apparition of Luke Skywalker, chattering in glee at the return of the island’s former master.

They were less excited to see her. The Abbess waddled over and shook a finger at her. “No-stay! No-stay!”

“I’m not staying,” Rey rolled her eyes. “At least I don’t think I am. I’m only here because-“

“Cave! Yes. Go now. _No-stay!_ ” The little creature waddled off to chatter at Luke who arched an eyebrow at Rey in amusement while he attempted to reassure the leader of the fish nuns that Rey had not come to live there permanently and would not destroy anything else on the island.

“Are you coming?” Rey called. Though she supposed she did not need to call him at all. Luke said he was coming with her and he would find her through the Force. Or he would not. She would not waste a single moment more in the little village or on the plans of Luke Skywalker.

Rey turned toward the place on the island where the Dark called to her as it had those days she had spent here. She pushed thoughts of the aftermath from her last visit to the cave. When it brought Ben to her and they touched hands, changing everything.

_Rey._

She heard Ben say her name, almost as if he were standing somewhere nearby, but hidden from her eyes.

 _Ben._ Rey began to jog toward the dark place on the island, her feet moving faster over the uncertain terrain, the Force leading her toward that frightening hole in the ground that led to the cave of mirrors.

“Rey!” Luke called after her. Rey ignored him and kept moving. He was a Force ghost. He’d catch up.

Just when Rey reached the oculus of the cave, the same oily vines spreading through like the bloodshot veins of an evil eye, Luke appeared in front of her.

She could tell from the look on his face that he was exasperated, but Rey refused to credit it with a comment. Crouching near the hole, she ignited her saber to use as a light and peered inside, trying to see if anything had changed since she had last visited the spot.

“Rey…ok… _slow down a moment_. I know you are anxious to get to Ben, and your instincts are right. You will need to go through the mirror, _but what you will find when you do…_ ”

Rey gave a heavy sigh of exasperation. _Could nothing be easy with Skywalkers?_

“ _What?_ What will I find?”

Luke looked away for a moment, the dramatic pause as much a part of his Skywalker heritage as the Force. “He’s being chased, Rey. No matter what he does, there’s no place for Ben to rest or to get away from it.”

Rey could feel her mouth fall open as she stared at Luke. The pulse beat in her neck and her head. She could feel her body go cold. “Get away from what? What do you mean? Who is chasing Ben?”

Luke met her gaze with intent. “I mean that the life Force of every creature he has ever killed has manifested in the place where he is. They are chasing him and engaging him in an endless battle. Armies of them, Rey. And they are…not what they were in life. Specters. Each of them has become a grotesque version of the lifeforms they were. Like a nightmare that never stops.”

Rey drew in a breath and doubled over, clutching at her middle as she fought to keep from vomiting on the stone under her feet. “No,” she wailed. “Why? Ben gave everything. He gave all he had to help me. _To save us all_.”

Luke’s apparition crouched before her, trying to give her comfort. “Rey. _You can help him._ You _can_ bring him back. They cannot kill him. At least not the way they might if he still occupied a physical body, but with every blow they land, every time he begs them for mercy, his life force dissipates further. At some point, it will…”

Rey sucked in a breath and finally felt her body give way, landing in a heap on the cold stone where she vomited until nothing else would come. Her diaphragm convulsed as she tried to expel Luke’s words, along with the meager breakfast she had dutifully forced down that morning.

When she was able to speak again, Rey spat her words like venom. “And…you waited. _You knew, Luke._ You knew what was happening to him and you never tried to help? You and Leia…you both appeared to me on Tatooine, smiling like nothing was wrong. Why? What else does Ben have to do to prove himself?” 

“Damn it, Rey. No. _I didn’t know._ Leia didn’t know. We both gave our lives to try to save him! We had no idea what was happening until he reached out to you. Ben’s energy…it never joined with ours. I expected to feel him when he faded into the Force. When I could not sense him anywhere, I began to search, but there was just a hole in the Force where he should have been.”

Rey sat up and pulled her knees into her chest, willing her breathing to calm, praying for the ache in her chest to ease so that she could take an easy breath once more. “Where is he? What do I need to know? What do I bring?”

“You need to make sure you have rations with you, for one thing. We do not know how long we will be gone. Time…it’s different there. We are not even sure if you will need to eat, but you need to make sure you have provisions, if not for yourself then for-“

 _“Don’t_ ,” Rey barked. “You don’t get to talk about that at all. Plus…desert girl from nowhere, remember? I have plenty of food and water.” She held up her pack to show him as proof. “What else?”

Luke nodded in approval of her preparations, obeying her wish not to discuss the Dewback in the room. “My father is there, searching for him.”  
  
Rey could feel her eyes widen in astonishment. _“Darth Vader._ So… _what?_ Armies of lost souls bent on revenge are not enough punishment for Ben? Darth Vader has to hunt him, too?”

Luke rolled his eyes. “No! Of course not. _Anakin Skywalker_ is trying to help.”

“You mean the grandfather Ben has been trying to summon without success for the past decade while _fucking Darth Sidious poisoned his mind and convinced him to kill his father? THAT Anakin Skywalker?"_ Rey gave a derisive laugh. “I am _sorry_ , but why would he want to help him now? After all, he did join in that handy pep talk on Exogol while Ben was having his life force sucked dry and being chucked down a hole.”

Luke dropped his face in his hands and shook his head. A big show for a Force ghost, she supposed. Mortal habits died hard. He muttered something under his breath, but Rey could not quite hear it. It sounded like something about how she and Ben were perfect for one another. _Good._ At least that much was now clear to the man who had tried his hardest to separate her from the other half of herself.

“Rey…I know you’re upset, but please, _please_ try to…”

Rey let out an outraged screech and jumped to her feet. “If you tell me to let go of my anger, Luke Skywalker, so help me, Force, I will start chasing _you_ through eternity! I will defend the man I love before those who have hurt and ignored him with the last breath in my body. 20 seconds was all we had. _20 kriffing seconds._ ”

Tears rose and Rey blinked them back, not wanting to allow Luke the privilege of seeing her cry.

Luke stepped up to Rey and returned her anger in equal measure. “I am trying to help you!” he shouted at her. “I am telling you that if you cannot let go of at least some of that bitterness, you will be of absolutely _no use to him_ in the place we are going. There are a thousand ways you could still lose him, Rey. And your own Darkness is one of them.”

Rey let out a sob, her hands flying to her mouth to contain her anguish. “No! Please! _I’m sorry._ I’m…” She was dangerously close to losing her composure altogether. She had to focus. Ben needed her to focus. _Their chi-._

_No._

She would not go down that path. Everything in the universe had its order. It was not time to think about anything beyond bringing Ben home. Rey pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, repeating that action over and over, slowly dropping her hands to her hips. She closed her eyes and took a moment to just feel the breath in her body and the balance of nature around her, much like the first time Luke taught her to commune with the Force.

And for once in his life, Luke Skywalker resisted the urge to tell anyone else what to do.

After several minutes of taking an inventory of the cells of her body, the life cycles of the island and the waters around them, Rey opened her eyes. She could do this. She could hold on to the Light inside her if it meant being able to hold Ben in her arms again. 

Luke smiled at her, sensing the careful balance she had found and turned with her toward the opening of the cave.

“Ready?” Luke asked.

Rey nodded. And then she jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, dear AO3 family, my muse is feeding me this story right now. I do have Roses & Bacon, and I'd Always Come for You chapters in process, but this one called to me tonight. 
> 
> So...Rey had to work through some anger issues in order to be useful to Ben. What do we think about the idea that Ben didn't become a Force ghost because he's stuck in the WBW and the literal ghosts of his past as Kylo Ren are there to haunt and torment him? How do we think that the Skywalkers are going to get out of this one? Who do we think we'll see when we finally catch up with our poor hero?
> 
> If you are enjoying this fic so far, I hope you will leave me some comments! :)


	4. A Gray Spark in the Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Force Ghost joins the rescue party, bringing with him some revelations and a way to Ben.

Rey

The water was just as frigid as it had been the first time she fell down the hole and learned the hard way that she could swim a stroke or two. At least enough not to drown and to find the shore where she could confront the calling darkness.

Luke appeared there on the shore, studying the mirror, his head cocked to one side. Rey supposed that he was determining the best way to pass through it, though given his current state of being, she doubted he needed to be concerned about that.

Rey knew exactly what she planned to do about it.

The mirror, if one could call it that, felt cold to the touch. Given that the fine layer of frost had receded from the warmth of her hand when she first touched it, she suspected that it was a barrier made of ice, not glass. Fortunately, she had brought fire.

Reaching to her belt, Rey detached her saber from and ignited it. Luke turned back to her and gave a small nod, apparently having come to the same conclusion.

“It’s a beautiful weapon, Rey,” Luke whispered. “Well done.”

The edges of her lips curled upward in acknowledgment of his praise. Pointing it toward the wall of ice, Rey prepared to plunge the molten gold of her blade into its cold heart and charge in to find Ben.

At the back of her consciousness, a niggling and persistent thought prevented her from following through.

_Ask._

A male voice she never heard before spoke that word clearly into her mind. It sent a shiver up her spine as something familiar and entirely foreign at the same time.

The last time she faced the mirror, she told it what she wanted. She demanded answers as if the mirror owed her. And it only showed her that she was alone, a fact she already knew and did not need help bringing into sharp focus. It led her to Ben.

Rey wondered. Could it be that easy? Was the mirror simply looking for someone to inquire… _politely?_

“Yes, Rey,” Luke breathed in awe. “That must be it. I wonder why I never thought of it.”

Rey would have commented on the fact that Luke was somehow listening to her thoughts, but she was too focused on investigating.

She addressed the ice mirror, her reflection distorted against its rough prism. “Will you please allow us to pass through? I am here to save the one person I love most. And who loves me, I think. He’s worth saving.”

_How did one make a successful argument to sentient water?_

As if she had indeed melted the ice wall with her saber, it suddenly gave way before her eyes, its water evaporating as if in a great thaw, rushing downward to join the waves near her feet. Rey turned to Luke whose ghostly blue eyes looked as stunned as she knew hers must look.

The light from her saber illuminated a dark cave beyond with just enough light to see where the ground was smooth and where jagged rocks reached up through the sediment. The air was heavy with brine and the smell of plant life. Unable to trust that she would have more than a few seconds to enter, Rey moved quickly, Luke drifting at her side.

No more than ten feet into the cave, they both turned to see that the ice wall had rebuilt itself as if Rey’s gentle question had never happened. She was not sure if she should be frightened by that reality, but she had no time to worry about it. They needed to find Ben.

Striding forward, using her saber as a torch, Rey realized that the glow from her weapon would probably not be helpful in telling her if or when the ground dropped out from under her feet. Grateful for the ability, Rey reached out with her feelings, trying to sense the terrain and whether anything might jump out at her in the darkness.

“There is… _someone_ …up ahead,” Luke told her, “but not for a while.”

Rey nodded; her footing more certain the farther she walked. She stepped carefully, learning early in her time as a scavenger on Jakku to be nimble and step lightly on uneven terrain. Finally, blue light cut through the dim, getting brighter as she moved toward it.

A figure began to form from the blue light. Rey could sense the light and the darkness within the being, whoever it was. Rey tensed, dropping into a crouch as she moved forward, her eyes trying to make sense of the chaos as a man materialized before her.

Tall and dressed in Jedi robes, the man had thick blond hair and a scar that reminded her of the one that she had given Ben in the forest on Starkiller Base. He was handsome and young, with a penetrating stare that suggested he knew everything about her. Squinting at him, Rey could not put her finger on why he seemed so familiar. Something in the way he held himself so proudly, a saber in his hand.

And then she knew. _Anakin Skywalker._

Rey was almost as furious at this man as she had been with Luke. Remembering Luke’s admonition not to let her rage get the better of her, Rey took a deep breath and let it out in an unhurried release, attempting to calm her mind. Like Luke, his father had been part of her Jedi pep talk but had not done a thing to save Ben once he dragged himself from the pit to get to her. To her knowledge, he had never lifted a finger to save Ben from his tormentor.

She supposed it had to count for something that he was here now. Rey had no idea if she would need to fight to defend Ben, but she knew that she needed help. Straightening, she gave Ben’s grandfather a curt nod.

Anakin Skywalker gave a little smirk, amused by her regard. It seemed self-effacing. Almost as if he missed the days when people were intimidated by his legend. He returned her nod and spoke.

“ _Hello, Ben’s Rey._ ”

Rey blinked hard, fighting the tears that rose in her eyes. Anakin Skywalker was the first person who acknowledged their connection as something more than an accident of the Force. She also realized that the voice she heard just before she asked the mirror for entry belonged to this man.

“Yes,” he nodded again, “it was me. I didn’t want to waste precious time while you and my son, here, tried to figure out how to sweet talk _ice_.” The tall man’s eyes danced with mischief and Rey was charmed against her will. Ben, she realized, was equal parts Leia Organa Solo, Han Solo, and _this man_.

He smiled now, full wattage. Looking down for a moment, a crooked grin so like Ben’s, when he allowed them, appeared on the eldest Skywalker’s face as he read Rey’s thoughts. “There’s some Padme sprinkled in there, too. Ben’s capacity for unconditional love comes from her.”

Luke snorted beside her and rolled his eyes like a teenager, though his form looked much older than his father’s. Rey wondered if Force ghosts got to choose how they appeared but pushed back against her curiosity. _Find Ben now, ask questions later._

“Have you found him?” The question was Luke’s, but it was the very next thing that would have come out of Rey’s mouth.

Anakin shook his head and Rey’s heart dropped. “No. I can sense him, but he’s weakening. I have been through several portals. Two of them show signs that he’s been there, but he had already moved on.

“Sign?” Rey was puzzled. What kind of signs would there be?

“Bodies, Rey. The ground was littered with the remains of his opponents. These looked like they were once…villagers…”

 _Jakku._ They could have been the people that the Ben ordered killed for harboring Lor San Tekka. Rey thought of what Finn told her about that experience, talking about Ben’s utter lack of emotion as his voice ground out from the voice modulator to burn the place and all the people in it to the ground.

She could feel the bile rise in her throat as she considered how many similar scenes must have happened while he was Snoke’s angel of death. Would they need to fight them all? For the first time Rey could hardly stomach the thought of destroying those who had already been snuffed out with the cruelest stokes.

At the same time, she knew that Ben had given everything to save the galaxy. He-

“Balance, Rey,” Luke whispered to her. “The Force seeks balance. Don’t lose hope.”

Rey bit her lip, pushing the doubt back to live with her earlier curiosity. “I won’t. I won’t give up on him.”

“Good girl,” Anakin smiled. “You are perfect for Ben. He will be so proud of you. Probably also mad as hell that you followed him here, but I know I would follow Luke’s mother into any level of hell.”

Rey began to smile, but then stopped, considering what he said. “Wait…What did you mean by that? Why would Ben be angry? _He called to me_.”

Anakin Skywalker suddenly looked away from her and Rey caught her voice on a sob, the breath in her body almost not enough to form the question. “ _He doesn’t know I’m coming._ Is it even possible to save him?”

“What? Yes! I would never endanger Ben’s love and his... _family_ …without being sure that it was possible. I was trying to save him myself, but I realized that I needed help. I want to return Ben to you, Rey, if it is in my power to do it. I couldn’t save the woman I loved. I couldn’t have a life with Padme and our children. _I was not about to allow that to happen to our family again_. We have given enough.”

Luke groaned, pressing his palms into his eyes, hunching over in frustration. “Father! I cannot believe you dragged Rey into this. She-“

“No, Luke!” Rey exclaimed. “I don’t care what I have to do. If there is any chance to bring him back with me, then that’s what I am going to do.”

Both Skywalker men realized the futility of arguing and nodded in resignation. Anakin had the grace to look embarrassed and chastened by Rey’s resolve.

Looking between them, Rey let out a sigh. “Now. No more arguing about what I should and shouldn’t be doing. What do we have to do to find Ben?”

Anakin looked thoughtful. “What do you know about the World Between Worlds, Rey?”

Rey rolled her eyes. Jedi and their damned fascination with mystical names and places. “Not a fucking thing, Anakin Skywalker, but I am a fast learner.”

Anakin grinned again, enjoying her snarky reply. “Well, basically, we try to sense him through the Force and walk through a lot of kriffing portals. We'll probably have to kill a creature...or ten.”

Ren nodded. She didn’t care if she had to do an interpretive dance for a thousand slobbering Hutts in a gold bikini to find and save Ben.

“Let’s go.”

A portal opened just behind the man who was once Darth Vader. Sweeping one gallant arm toward the space beyond, Anakin gave her a cheerful, “After you.”

Rey ignited her saber and stalked through the triangular opening, expecting to find enemies on the other side. Luke just harrumphed, clearly put out that Rey preempted the tirade he had been about to unleash on his famous parent.

A curious buzzing rang in her ears as she crossed over, but other than that the move from one dimension to another was easier than she had ever imagined. She did not know what she expected it would look like, but what Rey found on the other side of that gateway was nothing like what she thought she would find. Somehow, she thought she would be stuck in a winding stone labyrinth full of monsters and muck. A dungeon. Instead, the World Between Worlds was elegant in a way that reminded her of the strong lines and minimalist blacks and whites of the Supremacy.

Rey examined the black space, its iridescent ribbons leading away from her in all directions, undulating down endless corridors. Her mind was immediately filled with snippets of conversations and the crashing sound of battles. Force signatures touched her consciousness and then receded. Somewhere in that tangle of emotion was her Ben.

She took a breath and closed her eyes, reaching out with the Force until she was able to filter the noise and find a familiar gray spark in the distance, pulsating like a dying star.

“Rey?” came a hoarse whisper she knew well. This time, she _knew_ it was really Ben. She could taste his fear, the same as it ever was, but also his love. She’d only had 20 beautiful seconds of that, but it was a feeling that she knew as well as her own hand.

“ _Ben_ ,” she whimpered. “I’m coming.”

Anakin, who had been concentrating on finding Ben just as Rey had, suddenly whirled toward a long hall behind them. “ _There_. Ben is somewhere down there.”

Rey broke into a run, following Ben’s signature like a homing beacon, her steps echoing on an invisible runway.

Left in her wake, Anakin planted his hands on his hips and lifted an eyebrow at his son. “Does she always run toward trouble like that?”

Luke found his first genuine bit of laughter since he and Rey began their quest. “ _Always_.”

Anakin’s responding chuckles held a wistfulness that spoke of a consuming love now lost to time.

“Ben is a very lucky man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Friends! It's a holiday weekend here in the U.S. I hope to get a few chapters in for my fics, starting with this one. Next up is I Would Always Come for You and possibly the finish of Roses and Bacon.
> 
> I hope you are all well! Things are busy, but I haven't forgotten about you! Thank you for your patience. Love to you all! XOXO
> 
> What do we think of the addition of Anakin? Please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. I love long-haired, smirking, ornery, charming Anakin. Tell me who you think makes up the man who is Ben Solo. Do you agree that there's a good sprinkling of Padme in there?


	5. Except for One Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Force finally gives Rey what she's longed for most. The former Supreme Leader shares the things he regrets. And the one thing he doesn't.

Rey could hear him screaming.

Not the cry of a warrior in mid-strike, but the desperate wails of an animal being attacked from all sides, absorbing blow after blow. Fighting, but floundering. Fading slowly.

Panic welled inside her belly, traveling a path to the top of her throat, choking her with fear. Rey was close but terrified that she would not make it in time to be of any use to him, relegated to watching Ben fade from her sight once more. This time forever. 

The path in front of her seemed to lengthen with every stride and she resented that she could not just will herself to Ben’s side. What was the use of being one of the most powerful Force users in the history of the galaxy if she could not help the man she loved? Where were those damned Force ghosts? Why didn’t they help him? 

Whatever was attacking him was after his soul. Rey had long since decided that it belonged to her. She would fade with Ben if she had to, but she would not let him go again.

Rey ran faster. 

At last, the cries increased in volume, drawing her to a door. Reaching out to an iridescent surface that rippled like water at her touch, Rey begged the Force, “Please.”

Once again, the Force seemed to value civility. Almost instantly, the door dissolved, allowing her to see a desolate landscape beyond, awash in sunlight and buried deep in sand. _Jakku._

Charging in, feeling the familiar texture of sand flying around her feet, Rey ran toward the skeleton of the massive Imperial Destroyer in front of her. It was a ship she knew as well as she knew the length of her own arms as often as she had climbed its interiors to rob its grave.

A quick, desperate shout came to her as she ran. Calling out, using all the breath in her lungs, Rey responded, “Ben! _Ben, I’m here._ I’m coming.”

_Rey?_

“Yes! Tell me where you are.” Her head swiveled around her as Rey continued to run, looking out for a familiar tall man in black.

“No!”

Rey’s face scrunched up in disbelief. “No?!”

“No! _You can’t be here_. You aren’t here.” Ben screamed again. She could feel his breathing go rapid and shallow as he fought off waves of pain that Rey could feel in her own body. She grabbed her wrist. Someone or something had struck him.

Despite that, or perhaps because of it, their bond hummed to life, celebrating their proximity.

Rey had no time or patience for his protests. Or his attempts at protecting her. As far as she was concerned, he had done all the protecting that he ever needed to do for her on Exogol. Ben needed to understand that he was precious to her. She would acquaint him with that the minute she had him safe and whole. In the meantime, she would follow him into any hell to drag him back to her.

“It’s too late to tell me where I _should_ be. I am already _here_ , Ben.”

She could feel Ben’s panic and rage rumble through her body, the surge of energy and raw emotion leaving her breathless, knowing that his reserves were already dangerously low.

Ben let out another grunt, panting as he tried to speak with her and fight off whatever was stalking him.

“ _Sweetheart…no_. Not you. You should be alive. And happy. _Who hurt you?_ Tell me. _I’ll kill them._ ”

Rey skidded to a stop inside the main hangar of the ship. Squeezing her eyes closed, she let Ben’s endearment wash over her, as well as the promised violence on her behalf. If she had ever harbored any doubts about his feelings for her, the tender-fierce way he spoke to her told her everything she always suspected. It confirmed the things she had foolishly hoped were true nearly every night on Tatooine before the Force finally lulled her to sleep.

Ben loved her, too. Or at least cared about her very much. The foolish man just did not seem to understand that her happiness was tied inextricably to him. There was only survival without him. She was tired of subsisting. Rey wanted to be happy.

Shaking herself from those bittersweet thoughts, Rey searched the cavernous space around her, her eyes adjusting to the dimness and the random shafts of light that were showing through breaches in the durasteel hull. A movement to her right and she caught a view of Ben at last.

In some ways, he was just the same as when she had last seen him: tall, handsome, his inky hair wild and beautiful. He appeared to be wearing the very same black sweater he was wearing before he disappeared on Exogol. The one that, even now, was stowed in the bottom of her pack. If she had more time to think about that, she might have laughed at the Force’s concern with modesty. By rights, Ben Solo should be standing before her stark naked.

Her mind focused once again when she saw Ben stagger backward, pressed against a bulkhead, the cheek where she scarred him facing his attackers as he turned his head to avoid a blow. A dozen figures surrounded him, striking at him with ghostly weapons that appeared to lash the skin from his body. Only it was not really Ben’s body. They were hacking away at pieces of his spirit while his force flickered like a spent bulb.

One large man with dead eyes and a massive hole blown through his tunic landed a particularly vicious blow to Ben’s ribs with what appeared to be a mallet, causing him to scream and writhe in agony.

Tears streamed from her eyes, unchecked as she ran toward him, desperate to make them stop hurting him. If it was even possible. In some respects, she could not comprehend what she was seeing. An unarmed Ben Solo – not Kylo Ren – was leaning away from a group of what could only be described as _the undead_. All of them – especially Ben – were semi-transparent, almost as if they were being transmitted by holovid. There, but not there.

Squeezing past a woman and a child who were closing in on his side and whose rotted teeth were bared as if they intended to rend the rest of Ben’s flesh from his body, she spread herself in front of his cringing form, meeting the cloudy and rotted eyes of the people surrounding them.

“Stop! _Please stop hurting him_.”

“Rey?” She could have sworn that she felt Ben take a deep breath behind her, though she could not understand how that would be possible. “Rey…are you… _are you real_?”

The attackers kept coming, some materializing and then disappearing only to be replaced by the next macabre face determined to destroy Ben. Rey ignited her saber and stuck out one foot to push them off, the gold of her blade illuminating countless faces in a macabre light show.

“We don’t have time for this, Ben,” Rey said with an exasperated grunt, as Ben’s attackers continued to press toward him as if Rey were not present at all. “We have already established that I am here. We need to get you out of here.”

“I thought…” a sob broke from his throat as he seemed to fight for breath. Again, Rey had an odd sensation that his broad chest was pressed up against her back, just as if he were made of solid flesh. “I thought I was imagining you. That it was just my mind…conjuring you…because I wanted to see you so much before I… _before_ …”

He had given up. Rey could hear it in his voice. Ben might have started battling each of these creatures, but he had long since given in, judging from the changing forms and species, these were not even just the villagers he had ordered murdered on Jakku before they first met. 

“ _Don’t you dare give up on me, Ben Solo_ ,” Rey spat at him. “I don’t care if we need to fight the ghost of every junk scavenger on this planet, we are getting you out.”

“Rey…I…”

“Say you’re sorry!” Rey grunted, cringing as she stuck one of the zombies in front of her in one meaty thigh before it fell away. She did not need to add insult to…well… _murder_ , but there was no other way to defend Ben.

There was silence behind her for a moment. And then, “ _What?”_

Stubborn man. Was everything always going to be this difficult between them? Rey had no idea how she could feel so in synch with someone who could not see the obvious. Maybe that was what bound them together. They each had something to give that the other lacked. It made them whole.

“Tell them you’re sorry,” Rey repeated.

“Rey…” Ben said, with the exasperated but gentle tone of someone who needed to explain something very complex to someone very naive. “I don’t think…”

Looking over her shoulder Rey caught his gaze, her words desperate and pleading. “Do you regret it? _Any of it?_ ”

The crowd around them pressed in. Intermittent wails and screeches sent chills through her nervous system while the smell of rotting flesh turned her stomach. It reminded her that she had more to worry about than their immediate crisis. At least her blade seemed to be enough threat for the moment. Backed into a literal corner as they were, Rey had no idea how they would get out of this.

Ben’s eyes softened, reminding her of the way he looked just before she kissed him. In those precious moments of total understanding between them on Exogol and Ahch-to. Before Rey was left alone again.

She could feel Ben’s words vibrate in her bones. “I regret _every time_ I ever hurt anyone,” Ben said with raw sincerity, watching in helpless fascination as their attackers suddenly froze in front of them. “I am sorry for everyone I ever treated as expendable. For those who died by my order or at the end of my saber. I regret every being left to grieve while I pursued a legacy that was never real.” Ben paused, speaking to these henchmen of the Force. “I am sorry that I hurt you and to anyone whose lives were blighted by the things I was ordered to do. For all the moments I ignored my own humanity. I am sorry about all of it.”

Ben turned his attention away from those whose lives had been cut short, studying Rey with an intensity akin to worship.

“Except for _one thing_.”

Rey was mesmerized by the tenderness in Ben’s voice and the look in his eyes. Swallowing hard against the lump in her throat she asked, “What thing?”

He leaned toward her, his arms wrapping around her waist, his lips at her ear. His voice – that gravel and silk voice she loved - came to her like a full-body caress, soothing her frayed nerves. In an aching whisper, Ben said,“ _You_ , Rey. I’ll never be sorry that we met. That we are bonded. I would die every day to give you back to the galaxy.”

Rey caught a breath, tears falling unheeded down her cheeks. Ben leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose, a ghost of a touch, as precious to her as oxygen.

And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay...because RL! This is short, but hopefully sweet. I've missed you all.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter, or the story in general so far, if you've just found it.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> XOXO


	6. On the Other Side of Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Force decides to be merciful but is none too gentle about it. Ben expresses himself using his lips, but not so many words. Rey is hit by the implications of the few words that are exchanged in an unexpected way. And then unwanted visitors show up. Ben's back in the thick of it.

It was a strange sensation, to say the least.

If Rey had to describe what it was like to be spit out by the Force, she would describe it as being sucked into a black hole, stretched out like an elastic, covered in sweat, and then deposited somewhere on the other side of nowhere with an unceremonious thud.

Eyes closed, Rey assessed the parts of her body she could move, taking careful inventory because her extremities seemed far away. She felt her fingers twitch in protest, the nerve endings buzzing with an uncomfortable sensation. They were either still attached or back in that ghostly version of Jakku. She was hoping for the former. 

Slowly coming back to consciousness felt just as difficult as moving. Her head was swimming with images of that place between worlds where Ben had been trapped.

_Ben!_

And…

Rey gasped in panic, her hand going to her abdomen. Reaching out with the Force to find what she needed to know first and foremost, she let out a small moan when she found what she feared was gone.

Unable to sit up, Rey realized that the reason was the unconscious man at her back who still had his arms wrapped tightly around her. Arms, she realized, that were _real_. Flesh and blood. Strong.

_Ben._

Rey took stock of her surroundings. She lay on her side on the stone floor of Ahch-to’s Jedi temple, near the mosaic of the Prime Jedi. Or what was left of it. Shards of stone were strewn around the space and over her body as if someone or something had been ejected from the bottom of the temple’s central feature with explosive force.

Judging from the way her body felt, Rey had a feeling that she and Ben had been that projectile.

Turning carefully in his arms, Rey set a hand on Ben’s cheek, sighing in relief when she found it warm and stubbled as if he had shaved only that morning. She let her eyes run down his form, from the top of his head to the feet that were entangled in hers. She thought she could stare at him forever, taking in every freckle and pore of his skin.

Ben was real. _He was here with her_. The Force had been kind. She expected endless battles; that they might never escape that strange place where life and death met. Yet here they were. _Together._

Rey could feel the tears welling in her eyes.

Suddenly, Ben released a breath and his eyes opened wide. Sitting up quickly, he dragged her into his arms, his massive shoulders hunching around her to protect her from whatever might attack them next. Ben’s gaze moved to the shadows of the temple, clearly expecting something to step from the darkness and attack them.

Rey reached up to grasp his cheeks with her hands, pulling his forehead down to hers.

“It’s alright, Ben. We’re safe. _You’re safe._ ”

Ben stared into her eyes for a moment, his own swimming with relief, doubt, and lingering fear. Rey watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed repeatedly while he fought to accept this newest reality and control his emotions. It was not a battle he was winning.

A solitary tear ran down his cheek, following the ghost of a path where a scar had once marked his handsome face, healed when she saved him after their saber battle.

A small, inarticulate sound escaped from Rey’s throat. “ _Shh_ ,” she told him, kissing away that precious tear, kissing his eyelids, his nose, and his cheeks. Finally leaving a gentle kiss on his mouth.

“Rey,” Ben whispered. “It…it can’t be this easy. Nothing…” Ben paused to clear his throat. “ _Nothing_ is ever this easy for me.”

Rey nodded, tears coursing down her cheeks as she thought of all Ben endured. For his past. _For her_.

“Let’s just take it one moment at a time, Ben.”

Ben nodded after a moment and then tucked her close against his chest, burying his face in her neck.

They stayed that way for several minutes, their bodies slotted together like a puzzle that had found all its pieces at last. Slowly, every nerve ending flared back to life; every cell of Rey coming on-line and humming in utter contentment at being so close to Ben.

Rey had never known such belonging. _This._ This is what she longed for every night on Tatooine. The heat of him. The strength and protection of his body. The bond wrapping around them like the softest blanket. If she was honest, this was what she wanted ever since Ben touched her hand across a galaxy. She could stay in the moment forever. Rey would never need anything else.

She sighed, smiling to herself, letting her hand flow through Ben’s hair as Rey had always dreamed of doing. She could have sworn he whimpered, so she continued petting him, letting comfort flow from her fingertips.

Until Ben suddenly pulled back, thrusting her away from him as if she was guilty of some new betrayal. Her still aching body protested as Rey was dumped to the cold stone floor, the mosaics cutting into her bottom. Her mouth fell open in disbelief as Ben jumped to his feet, glaring as he began to fidget and pace. Apparently unable to decide to do with his hands, they flexed and shook with the strong emotion flowing through him.

Rey watched as he moved with restless purpose around the broken shrine for endless minutes, stomping and cursing, the scattered mosaics crunching under his booted feet until he kicked them away in unspoken frustration out toward the roiling sea.

Rey assumed that after she healed him on Kef Bir, after coming to rescue her on Exogol, that Ben had finally found his peace. He had been given back his life.

_What had him so angry?_

She did not have long to wait.

“ _Rey_ …”

Ben’s choked voice echoed off the stone around them. He ran both hands through his hair, gripping the ends of that glorious mane in apparent frustration before they let go to settle on his lean hips. “What in Force’s name could you be thinking?! You could have gotten yourself killed! After everything that happened to us. _After I…”_

Ben stopped himself from finishing the sentence. He was not willing, even in his anger, to force them both to relive his death. Or its reasons. Instead, he stared at Rey in mute, furious accusation.

 _What the…?_ Rey jumped to her feet. 

“I cannot believe this,” she muttered to herself, coming to stand in front of him, her pose matching his. “Force give me patience. Are you actually _angry_ with _me?_ ”

A grunt came from somewhere in the back of Ben’s throat as he stepped into her space, stalking her, forcing Rey to back up toward the wall of the cave. She held his dark gaze with her own unflinching fury until she could feel the cold of the stone invading her thin tunic. Were they back to square one? Would the Force never give them a break?

“Angry does not even begin to cover it, Sweetheart. I am… _I am absolutely furious with you_. How could you, Rey? How could you put yourself at risk by coming after me in that hell?!”

Rey gasped in disbelief. “I _saved_ your ungrateful-“

Rey’s retort was cut off by the soft lips of Ben Solo, attacking hers the same way he did everything - with all that he had to give. Unable to resist the thing she wanted most, even when they were enemies and he was chasing her through the galaxy, even though he was angry and she could not for the life of her fathom exactly _why_ , she wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him back.

Ben slid his tongue along the seam of her lips, coaxing her, gaining her cooperation…asking for permission. When Rey opened for him, allowing his access, he swept in and Rey swallowed down his groan of approval. _His desire_.

It was like finding a sweet spring in the desert. As their kisses went on, Rey felt her spirit quenched by the way he worshipped her mouth, his feelings seeping into the bond, telling her without words that she was everything to him just as he was to her. Rey returned his kisses, her own tongue darting into his mouth, causing Ben to clutch her more strongly to his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist and enveloping both in his passion.

Slowly, softly, Rey gentled Ben with her kisses, dissolving his anger with all the tenderness she saved up like rations just for him.

Cupping her face in his palms, Ben drew back once more, his breathing as ragged as hers, his eyes searching. Rey braced herself for whatever would come next.

“Promise me…” he whispered against her mouth, giving Rey a gentle shake, “swear to me that you will _never again_ put yourself and _our child_ in danger for me.”

_He knew._

The stress and deprivation of the last hours – _the last months_ – finally came for Rey. She could feel her stomach turn with nausea and her limbs begin to shake from shock and exhaustion. Ben had used the last of his life force to plant their child within her during the moments before he faded into the Force. For Rey to raise. Alone. A fine, cold sweat broke out along her upper lip as she stared at him for several silent beats.

Rey wanted to hit him. She wanted to weep.

And then, in what became an unfortunate repeat of what happened earlier when the Force chucked them out of the place-between-places like spoiled meat, Rey fainted.

She would never know the look of panic and agony on his face as Ben caught Rey and swept her up in his arms, striding out of the temple in search of help, but Anakin Skywalker was there to see it all.

Appearing just in front of Ben, his blue eyes dancing with innate mischief, Anakin nudged his chin at the still form of his future granddaughter-in-law. “You have a lot to learn about pregnant women, grandson. You should have fed her first.”

Ben stopped in his tracks. “Now? _Really?_ You decide to show up _now?"_

Adding insult to injury, the ghostly form of Luke Skywalker appeared just to his father’s right, also blocking Ben’s path.

“Hey kid,” Luke Skywalker offered in greeting, his arms crossed beneath his Jedi's robes.

Ben let out an irritated sigh.

_“Fuck.”_

"Hey!" Luke admonished him, "watch your mouth. Your mother raised you better than that." His grandfather just chuckled.

_Skywalkers._

It was just as Ben told Rey. Nothing was ever that easy for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, lovely readers! 
> 
> Here is, at last, the next chapter and short though it is, big things happen. I hope you'll share with me your thoughts on the big revelation (which most of you didn't catch the last few chapters) and the fact that there will be Skywalkers around in this story all blue and glow-y. :) 
> 
> Also - for those of you waiting on I'd Always Come for You...I promise, it's coming for you! lol! I lost my drive with everything on it, including my outline. That's a problem. I've been trying to piece it together and breathe some life back into that muse. Just be a little more patient with me, please.


	7. Small bellies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After so much trauma, we need a sweet fluffy chapter, don't you think? 
> 
> Rey wakes up from her fainting spell to some amazing sights and she and the former Supreme Leader begin to have the many intense conversations that you'd think would come up when one of them comes back from the dead and the other is pregnant by a power like life itself. :)
> 
> Oh, and a sweet visitor makes a (sort of) appearance. 
> 
> Basically, this is all fluff.

Rey

Rey opened her eyes to find herself once again lying in a new place without a memory of how she got there. Looking around, she recognized the small hut on Ahch-to where she first stayed when she came to the island. Back when she had first been connected to Kylo Ren through their bond and shot at him in a blind panic. That same flash of panic ran through her now, forcing her to jump from the bed, pushing her toward the door.

_Had all of it been a dream?_

Whatever it was she expected to find when she snatched open the door to the hut – it was not what she found. A few yards away, Ben Solo, dressed in dark gray robes, was engaged in a lightsaber duel with a Force ghost.

Anakin Skywalker, to be exact.

Rey watched mesmerized, their earlier disagreement in the temple forgotten, as grandfather and grandson traded blows, sailing over the uneven terrain. One solid and real. The other glowing blue.

Rey felt the presence of Luke Skywalker as he drifted forward, stopping to her right. “Two opponents, each in their prime, each master of their art. We will likely be here a while.”

Rey nodded slowly, watching as Ben spun to block his grandfather’s saber. Had someone asked her back on Jakku, she would have insisted that this was not possible. Yet here she was, watching the man she had snatched back from the underbelly of the Force leap from stone to stone as he fought his long-dead grandfather.

Ben Solo was fierce and beautiful, his movements fluid and strong. His grandfather, Rey noted, fought with equal fire, but his eyes always seemed to hold some hint of humor, as if the universe were a joke that only he understood. Rey knew that before he had ever been Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker was trouble for some poor woman. Ben came by his charisma honestly.

The battle raged on for several more minutes, neither opponent flagging in their determination to best the other. At least until Ben noticed her with Luke. He fell backward, crashing hard on the stones. Even as he was forced to concede the match, Ben never took his eyes from her, allowing his grandfather to pin him. The blaze of a ghost saber glowed at his throat. It reminded her of the final moments of the battle in the throne room when he had been held by the last Praetorian guard. Even then, Ben never took his eyes from her.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered, extinguishing the green saber he held. “Are…” Ben cleared his throat, glancing at his grandfather in a signal to stand down so that he could regain his feet. The moment Anakin stepped back, Ben jumped to his feet and strode toward her, his dark eyes taking in every detail.

“Are you feeling better? _Are you hungry?_ ”

That last bit caused Anakin Skywalker to laugh out loud for some reason Rey could not fathom.

“No. _Yes._ I…” Rey ran out of words, watching in mute fascination as Ben continued toward her. He stopped in front of her, one large hand running through the wild tumble of his hair. He gathered it away from his face with the natural and practiced grace with which he did everything. It did funny things to her insides.

Would she always yearn for him this way? It was maddening. Rey had suffered with it for all the many lonely months on Tatooine. For all the time they were connected and never together. In every moment that they fought one another. She suspected it would always be this way.

Rey had no idea what to say. Food seemed too _ordinary_.

Her stomach chose that moment to growl as loudly as it ever had during the times of greatest scarcity on Jakku. Rey blushed, glancing down for a moment to put a hand over her belly. It seemed their baby was all for Ben’s idea.

Ben took that moment to grin at her just as he had after she kissed him on Exogol. “I think that answers that question. Come on, Rey. Let’s get you something to eat.” He reached for her arm, but Rey pulled back. She regretted the action the moment she looked into his eyes. Those dark eyes were injured by her choice, a thousand memories moving through their depths.

She couldn’t help it. Rey threw herself into his arms, needing him to understand that it was only because she was angry that _he_ had been so angry with her. She _loved_ him.

“I’m starving,” she moaned.

Ben chuckled at the unintended outburst, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her close, cuddling her against him. Reaching up, he stroked the hair just above her nape, making Rey nearly purr with contentment.

Ben tucked his face in her hair and hummed against the delicate skin of her neck, causing her to shiver. “I know you are, Sweetheart. I also know that you must have many questions. Not to mention the fact that you aren’t done being angry with me for what happened in the temple, hmm?” He shifted slightly on his feet, rocking her back and forth in a way so gentle that it brought tears to her eyes. Being held and feeling treasured wasn’t for scavenger girls from the desert.

Rey gave a small hum of acknowledgment.

She could feel Ben nod his head once. “Let me take care of you, Rey. Let me feed you so that I know you are both well.”

_And then we’ll talk._

That last was delivered through their bond. Or at least Rey thought it was. Wrapped up in his strong arms, she hardly knew where she ended and Ben began. They were like two countries who surrendered their borders after a thousand-years-war and merged into one.

A discreet and ridiculous fake cough from a dead Force user sounded behind them. “We’ll be back another time…after you two have had some time to sort things out.”

“Thank you, grandfather,” Ben whispered, leaning his head on Rey’s as she burrowed in closer to his body. Ben gave out a sigh that spoke of having held his breath for a very long time, years probably, only able now to let it go.

Once they were alone, Ben took her by the hand and led her toward the _Falcon_. There, she knew she had all manner of foodstuffs stored in the cabinets and shipping containers. The habit of storing something for a day when she could find nothing to trade to Unkar Plutt was one she suspected she would never be able to break.

Without looking, Ben reached up to lower the ramp for them, swinging their joined hands between them as if he had not a care in the entire galaxy. Rey supposed that coming back from certain death and defeating the greatest evil the galaxy had ever known might make him a little more chipper than she had ever known him to be. The little girl inside her wondered if this new Ben would want her with the same singular purpose he seemed to…before.

 _Always, Sweetheart._ _There will never be a moment when I would want you anywhere but at my side or guarding my back._

Rey caught her breath, realizing that she had broadcast her thoughts across the bond.

Tears filled her eyes as she stared up at him. Ben bent and kissed her gently, wiping a single stream from her cheek. Evidently, since she had kissed him on Exogol, they were two halves of a dyad who kissed. Rey had no idea what any of it meant. 

“Everything will be all right.” Ben kissed her forehead and led her into the _Falcon_.

Rey would choose to believe him.

* * *

An hour later, Rey leaned against the banquette in the lounge, cradling her small, full belly, plates strewn in front of her from the feast that Ben prepared. It turned out that disappearing into the Force for months while fighting the undead worked up an appetite. She could relate.

Watching her from his place across the table, Ben smirked with satisfaction. “Nap time?” he inquired with one dark brow raised in amusement.

“Might be.” Rey smiled. “Who knew that the Supreme Leader could cook?” Chuckling to herself, she shifted to watch him closely, noting that her last words seemed to break the spell that they had managed to create

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I…I didn’t mean anything by that.”

Ben hummed in response. “It’s alright, Rey. You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s just hard to think about what I allowed to happen. The way I lost myself. I almost lost everything… _you_ …”

Rey slid closer to where he sat on the other side of the table. “Is it time to talk now, Ben?” A frisson of fear ran up her spine as she considered the gamut of topics they had to tackle before they could just _be_.

Ben studied her carefully, silent for long moments. Then he nodded slowly. “You aren’t too tired?”

“I’ll be fine. Besides, I have a feeling that wherever this conversation leads us, we probably won’t finish it in one sitting.”

A small laugh escaped Ben’s lips as he crossed his arms and looked away. “You’re probably right about that. I wish we would have spent more time talking before any of this happened.”

Rey gulped down the emotion that assailed her. “You… _regret_ …the baby?”

Ben’s eyes snapped to her face. “What? No. _Never,_ Sweetheart. Do…do you? _”_

“No!” Rey spat with such vehemence that Ben cringed and looked away.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that the…baby…has been the only thing grounding me since I first felt its Light.”

Rey watched in fascination as Ben’s mouth dropped open and his head slowly shook back and forth in disbelief.

_“You can feel the baby’s Light?”_

The look of astonishment on Ben’s face was one that Rey knew she would never forget as long as she lived. A parade of emotions passed over that handsome, expressive face. He looked awed, delighted, proud, and absolutely terrified.

Rey grinned, rubbing her tiny belly once more. “Yes…it… _he_ …feels like both of us, yet entirely his own person. The color of his light – it’s brilliant. Like glowing sand, but with beautiful, cool shadows, too. A balance of light and dark.”

Ben’s eyes went glassy and it was his turn to gulp down his feelings like the meal they had just shared. _“He?”_

Rey had been alone for so many months now, the urgency of the war long since over, that she forgot that Ben had not experienced any of the joy of knowing that their child would arrive. Or that he was a boy. She could feel her heart squeeze with sadness for the time they had missed. The time when Ben had been suffering and she had to face decades without him.

“Oh, Ben. _Yes_. A boy. I’m certain.”

Ben’s lips pursed, his chin quivering with emotion. He reached out one large hand toward the gentle curve of her abdomen. Just when she thought he would place that large palm over their child with the protective devotion she always imagined that he would have for their child, he snatched it back, looking into her eyes with concern.

Rey quickly grabbed his hand and placed the flat of his palm against her belly. “I have been dreaming about him…and us. Together. Ordinary moments as a family.”

“Tell me, Rey. _Please._ ”

Rey raised one hand to his brow, showing him the same sweet dream of cradling their son in the quiet of the night, nourishing him while Ben slept nearby. She gave him a peek of the little belly that begged for berry kisses and the abundance of thick, soft black hair that proclaimed him the son of Ben Solo.

Rey watched the emotion spilled from Ben’s eyes as he absorbed those images and felt the warm light of their child beneath his fingers. Real or imagined, Rey thought she could sense the swirl and flutter of their baby in her womb as he greeted his father.

Ben’s eyes squeezed shut and she could feel him reach out with the Force to their sweet baby boy. Rey closed her eyes, covering his hands with both of hers, reveling in the feeling of their three energies mingling. The fluttering feeling of a moment ago increased in its intensity, almost tickling her. Rey gasped.

A moment later, she and Ben were staring into one another’s eyes, giggling, and grinning like fools, their tears mixing with it all.

 _Their son_ had just reached out to them.

Ben appeared at a loss for words, his joy robbing him of breath, but he finally managed to whisper, “That felt like…”

Rey nodded, understanding at once what Ben was deciphering.

“Like _happiness_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers! As usual, I am dying to know what you think of this chapter, so please gift me with your words. I'm trying to write more often and the interaction is the fuel for that. I'm so grateful to you all.
> 
> I saw a piece of fan art the other day where Ben was sleeping with his baby boy. The little guy looked exactly like him with a mass of black hair. He had this chubby little belly, a black diaper (!!!) and his arms were all splayed out starfish-style. Ben's head was cozied up to his side, guarding his sleep. It was freaking adorable. It was like she reached into my brain and plucked out that sweet scene and drew it just for me. It is just what I imagined their baby to look like and how Ben would be. If I can find it and credit the artist, I will see if I can post it for you at some point. 
> 
> Anyway - we know that the course of true love (especially for Skywalkers and Solos) never did run smoothly. So drama is coming. (How do you explain to the galaxy that the former Supreme Leader of the First Order and notorious Dark-sider, the some-time Kylo Ren, just came back from the dead? And you're having his baby? Hmm. We've seen a story about a resurrected leader somewhere before, I think. I suspect that people will no-likey.) 
> 
> What do you think will happen? 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! AF


	8. Apology #1001

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In their usual fashion, our favorite couple takes two steps forward only to take one step back. Oh, Ben. You beautiful blockhead.

Ben

In some ways, sitting in his father’s ship listening to Rey talk to him about their baby was as surreal as anything he had encountered in that place between places where he had been trapped in an endless nightmare.

Rey had come for him. They wanted each other. Or, at least he wanted her more than Ben had ever wanted anything in his life. That much was clear. Yet so many things still stood between them. What happened on Crait. The year he spent chasing her through the galaxy with his knights. His selfish determination to make her acknowledge her own darkness. His insistence that she be with him and that they rule together. How she felt about him now. His mother. And what came next.

The list seemed endless. Ben just hoped it was not insurmountable.

And their baby? Every cell and strand of him felt repurposed in an instant. He felt called by the Force to protect and nurture his child for all time. Feeling that tiny life force under his hand had been a revelation. Like believing he knew the answer to every mystery in the universe at the moment before he reached out, only to find out that he had never known _anything_ at all. His son. His baby boy.

The knowledge of that small and burgeoning life hollowed him out and then filled him up again with a strange and purposeful elation.

Yet he could not deny that some of that elation was overshadowed by the choice he had never given Rey. Ben knew in the moments after she took his hand and opened her eyes on Exogol that he was fading quickly. He wanted only to drown in the look she gave him. Too many words fought to get out and none of them succeeded. How could he tell her what he had done? What he _hoped_ for after living without any hope for so long? Some selfish part of him could not bear to leave her entirely alone again. Using the Force to give her his child had been the only way he knew with certainty that he would always be with her. Rey would never abandon their child. Not after what she endured on Jakku. She would always love it with unparalleled ferocity.

Ben always wanted to be loved that way. He traded the last moments of life for that kiss she gave him. For just a few seconds of the pure joy that was Rey. It was worth it.

An apology seemed in order, or several apologies, but it was less obvious how to introduce one. “Rey, I’m so sorry that I impregnated you without your permission. What are your thoughts on the matter?” It also felt out of the question to say, “Sweetheart…about that time when you stabbed me with my own saber? I finally realized that I never belonged to the Dark Side. Or to Snoke. Or even to the Force. _Just you._ And you are the only thing that matters.”

Ben would deserve no more than her scorn and for her to leave him to his own devices.

 _But she kissed you_ , came a small, compelling voice in his mind. Ben tried to tamp it down, but it would not stay.

As lost in his thoughts as Ben was for what came next, Rey, in that way she had of cutting through everything, took the choice from him.

“We don’t have to do all this now, Ben,” whispered that sweet voice. “We could just sleep.”

The implications of that single word – that softly spoken “we” – set all his nerves alight. What would it be like to lie next to her and awaken with her gathered close? To be rewarded with her unguarded moments at the start of the new day? It was an old fantasy. Nearly as old as the first day he had known she was hiding with a droid in the forest of Takodana.

Ben shook off his thoughts. He was brooding and Rey was tired. She was carrying a child. Her needs came first. He would show her that she would always be safe with him.

“Forgive me. You need your rest.”

Rey flashed him her perfect white teeth and enticing dimples. Was there any victory as satisfying as the gift of her smile? No. Nothing in the galaxy. Ben wished he was worthy of it.

“Just me, then? If you say so, Solo.” Rey responded lightly.

Delighted by her teasing and the way she gave his name back to him every chance she got, Ben conceded. “Alright, yes. I _might_ need some sleep myself.” If he was telling the truth, he was fucking exhausted.

Rey winked at him, her smile growing in approval at his admission. _Gods he wanted to kiss her again._ Ben could not figure out why things that had been simple and natural earlier that day were now difficult. Where was the version of himself that just leaned down and kissed her? He was lost somewhere between a satisfying meal and the encroaching weight of the past. Best to let Rey take control and try again to make sense of things tomorrow.

Rey led him down the hall toward the sleeping compartments. Ben paused for a moment and Rey turned to look at him, seeming to understand without words that stepping over the threshold of his father’s stateroom was more than he was capable of at that moment.

“I…I think I’ll say goodnight here, Rey. I’m sure the medbay will be perfectly comfortable.”

Rey looked defeated for a moment, then came to a decision.

“Will you wait here? _Please?_ ” For a split second, Ben could see the worry on Rey’s face. He knew he would do whatever he needed to do to take it away.

“Yes. Of course.”

Rey disappeared into the captain’s quarters for a few moments before coming out with two pillows and a heavy blanket. Hoping that only one blanket meant she might intend to share it, Ben quickly took the load from her, tucking the pillows under his arm and draping the blanket over his shoulder.

“Come with me,” Rey said.

Willing to follow her wherever she led other than his father’s private space, Ben watched with curiosity as Rey lowered the ramp of the ship and started toward the steep stairs that led up the mountain. Reaching out through the Force, Ben understood her direction. She was leading him to the hut. _Their_ hut. The place where they first promised one another that they were not alone.

Ben smirked at the memory. He was interested to see which one of the small shapes it might be. Earlier he thought he might have laid her down in Luke’s own sanctuary after she fainted, recognizing some of the belongings there, so he was not surprised when she headed the opposite direction in the tiny village.

Before they made their destination, one of the Lanai stopped to say something to her in a language Ben could not recognize. Whoever she was and whatever she said, Rey was instantly contrite, apologizing profusely for some past transgression.

“Yes, I know,” Rey said like an errant child as the female chattered away at her, gesturing wildly at a hut just to Rey’s right. “Yes, I promise we will take very good care of it.”

Ben had to hide a smile as the creature gave a few last disapproving “tsks” and lumbered off.

“I take it you did not make a good impression with the Good Sisters of the Force?” Ben raised one eyebrow in question, relishing the moment when Rey’s face dissolved into giggles.

“Nope. Not even a little bit,” she said with cheerful acceptance.

Unable to imagine that there would be any creature in the galaxy who could resist her warmth for long, Ben was curious. “Why?”

“Oh, it might have something to do with the enormous boulder I accidentally sent hurtling toward two of the nuns when I was practicing with my saber…or…”

“ _Or?_ ” Ben prompted, trying for all he was worth to suppress the grin that threatened to split his lips.

“Well…it could have been the…um… _hole_ …I put in the wall of my hut when you appeared to me for the first time…and I shot at you with my blaster. And, _well_ …”

“There’s more?” Ben watched as another nun peaked around the corner of a nearby hut to give Rey a good frown.

Rey’s voice grew sheepish and she blushed just a little, kicking some stones at her feet. “Um…they had to actually rebuild the whole thing after Luke found us together. They were not very happy about it. Even though Luke was the one who reduced the place to rubble, the abbess said it was _clearly_ all my fault.”

Laughter erupted from Ben’s chest like a dam, spilling into the air and filling the small clearing. He dropped the pillows and clutched his gut, bending forward to brace his hands on his knees. Tears of hilarity fell from his eyes as he fought to catch his breath. Glancing up, he knew he probably looked as shocked as Rey did at that moment.

Straightening, Ben wiped the last of the tears from his eyes and grabbed the pillows from the ground, dusting them off.

“That is because you are a notorious troublemaker, Scavenger,” he explained.

The smile that had begun to blossom on Rey’s face was snatched away in that instant. Ben felt its absence to his marrow. _Damn._ He hurt her. Again. How could she possibly understand that for him, she was pure joy and new beginnings and everything _fun_ life could offer? That he was only laughing because the idea of anyone not recognizing her radiance and adoring her on sight was patently ludicrous to him?

 _Scavenger._ Could he never do the right thing when it came to Rey?

Before a word of apology could escape Ben’s lips, Rey turned on her heel and walked carefully to her hut, closing the door quietly, but firmly behind her.

“Rey!” Ben strode forward, stopping outside her door. “Rey, I’m…Sweetheart, _I’m sorry_.”

His apology was met with silence. Ironic, Ben thought, that he was struggling to find a way to apologize to her for a thousand past transgressions not ten standard minutes ago, and here he was finally finding his voice for a new one.

“Rey, _please_. Please talk to me.” He tried to reach out with the Force, to engage their bond, but Ben knew it would be futile. The panic in his chest when he encountered a barrier there increased with every moment she denied him. He always ruined everything between them.

Weary to his soul, Ben turned his back to the solid door of the little stone structure and slid down until he was seated on the damp stones. If this was where he had to spend the night to be near her, or every night from now on, then this would be his bed.

And whether Rey wanted to listen to him did not matter, because it was time for Ben Solo to start talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben, my broody dude, you have much to learn about women - especially pregnant ones. Am I right?
> 
> Anyway, one slip of the tongue (and not the good kind), and Ben and Rey seem to be back to square one. Don't despair dear readers, next chapter we are going to see Ben begin to take the right steps forward. :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this update. Leave me some comments. You've all been so generous. Love and peace to you all. XO


	9. That Luminous, Eternal Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Ben Solo apology? It's everything. Ben explains to Rey why "Scavenger" is really an endearment. Along with all those other lovely words he calls his girl.

Rey

Rey paced around the interior of her hut, slashing at the hot tears falling from her eyes, refusing to scream no matter how much she wished to do it, furious with herself for letting Ben Solo get the better of her emotions.

_Scavenger._

Rey thought back to the first time the Force connected them. Ben, the Jedi Killer, Enforcer of the First Order, Prince of Alderaan, and scion of the galaxy’s most legendary family, had been affronted that the Force would choose to connect him to a penniless junk trader from Jakku.

_You. A scavenger._

Ignoring the pleas coming just beyond the door, Rey stooped to light a fire in the brazier. Just when the flames began to lick at the block of peat and grow into light and warmth, she heard the telltale thud of a body against her door and soft scraping noise that continued to the ground. Creeping toward where she knew Ben was seated on the other side, Rey waited.

“Rey,” came a low, muffled voice through the solid expanse of her door, “I know you are angry with me. I know I hurt you. _I am so sorry._ Please let me explain.”

She had never heard Ben so earnest.

“If you still want me to go after that, then I’ll go. I…I can’t promise that I will go easily or quietly, Rey,” Ben said. “But I will go.”

The last words sounded so forlorn that Rey almost had to laugh through her tears and anger. If Ben wanted to bare his soul to her, she would let him do it through this door, but she would be damned if she gave him any response before then.

“Please…,” Ben whispered as if he were in pain, making Rey recall the moment when he asked her to join him in ruling the galaxy, his chin trembling. “I just need you to give me this chance.”

Even without his explanations, even with her anger, Rey wanted to hold him in her arms and never let go. Ben’s next words took root deep in her soul.

“Yes, you _are_ a scavenger, Sweetheart, but you are _my_ scavenger. I might have meant it as an insult when we first met…but never since that moment. Ever since Snoke elevated me to his second in command, I had become so proud. So full of myself. Even as he broke me down and belittled me in private, I still clung to the idea that I was the prince of two of the galaxy’s royal families. That I was the heir apparent of my grandfather’s power. _That_ _I was a Skywalker_. I thought that my equal in the Light would be someone with a similar pedigree. Looking back, I am so ashamed for how those words injured you. I know now that those meaningless things became so important to me _because_ _I had nothing else_. Until you.”

Rey could hear him let out a sigh.

“I was so wrong, my love,” Ben told her. “The more often we appeared to one another, the day you fought at my side, I realized that who you are is a _miracle_ , Rey. You made a life for yourself out of a million broken pieces, rising above all of it. You came for me on _Supremacy,_ risking your life to scavenge what was left from the manipulations of my abuser and the Dark Side. You scavenged me from that in-between place before I could disappear forever into the void, away from you and our precious baby boy. You healed me, even when you were still so angry with me. You dove deep to scavenge my heart even when I was certain it was lost forever.”

Ben’s voice grew quiet, and she thought she could hear the faint sound of him swallowing past his emotions. Rey knew he was leaning as close to the seam of the door as possible.

“So, yes, you are the _Queen of Scavengers_ , Rey. The very best at taking broken things and making them new again. It is the special gift the Force gave you, perhaps the most powerful one of any, and it was exactly what was needed to save us all. To save me.”

Tears were racing down Rey’s face, and dripping from her chin. In one beautiful moment, Ben had taken her shame and refashioned it into something worthy.

“My beautiful Rey,” Ben continued. “I do not think I have the words to explain to you who you are to me. My opposite? My equal? My warrior girl? My better half? My angel of the Force? _Yes._ Yes to all those things, Sweetheart, and so much more.”

_Oh, Ben._

Ben grew quiet for a moment and Rey wondered if he was waiting for her to respond. Reaching out to test the edges of their bond, she knew that he had more to tell her and she needed so badly to hear it all, so she remained silent. Rey could feel the broken pieces inside her knitting together, smoothed over by the balm of his words. 

“Do you know why I call you, ‘Sweetheart’?” Ben asked with a small laugh. “It is because, to me, you are the embodiment of every tender feeling I have ever hidden away and despaired of ever sharing with another living soul. The Light inside I could never bring myself to kill. _Your heart_ …I swear it is the center of the universe. That every good and right and beautiful thing that has ever been or ever will be starts in that luminous, eternal place in you.”

Rey had to cover her mouth with shaking hands, holding in the sobs that threatened to escape from her mouth. She was so afraid that if she made a sound, Ben would stop and she would wake from this dream in her lonely bed on Tatooine.

And then Ben broke her and remade her once more.

“I call you, ‘Sweetheart’,” came an aching whisper, “because it is what my father called my mother. And despite his many faults, I know he loved my mother more than his life.”

Rey scrambled to her knees, openly sobbing now, grabbing for the handle of her door. She had to touch Ben. _Now._ She needed to tell him how she felt. She needed to feel his strong arms around her.

“Rey…I know there is so much we need to talk about. But you need to know…you are my Scavenger. My Sweetheart. My Savior. _My Everything. And I lo-_ ”

Snatching open the door, Rey glimpsed his tear-streaked face a moment before she dove at him. She sobbed with relief as Ben’s arms closed around her with stunning force, her heart racing with frantic joy and abiding love.

“I love you, Rey,” he whispered, tucking his face into her hair as they both wept. “I love you so much.”

Rey was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers! 
> 
> Thank you very much for the lovely comments. I plan on answering everyone tomorrow. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this brief chapter where Ben tries to explain what Rey means to him. 
> 
> Thoughts? I'd love to know what you think of Ben's revelations. :)
> 
> XOXO - AF


	10. Left Side? Right Side? No. YOUR Side.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben continue down the path his apology and explanations made possible in the last chapter. No smut yet, but Rey gets a bit shy and Ben is, once again, ready to be completely honest. It's more fluff, people. :)

Ben

Rey was in his arms and nothing else mattered.

He was holding her so tightly he worried that she might not be able to breathe, but when he tried to ease his hold, Rey only squeezed him more tightly. He could hear her say something into his chest as she continued to sob, but he could not make it out.

“What was that, Sweetheart?” Ben asked.

Rey leaned back, gasping for breath, her beautiful eyes glowing green, her nose red and running. She was breathtaking.

“Please don’t ever let me go,” she sobbed. “I missed you so much, Ben.”

Clutching her closer, for her smallest wish would always be his command, Ben felt Rey bury her face in his chest again. Ben just held her as she cried, kissing her hair, cuddling her, needing their connection as much as she did. When he thought of all she endured since the time she was a tiny girl, his heart ached.

Ben bent close to her ear. “I missed you too, Sweetheart. I’ve missed you my whole life.”

He could feel her nod against him. Ben rocked her back and forth in a gentle rhythm, whispering that he loved her while the tide of emotion buffeted her again. They stayed like that for long minutes. When it was done, when her pain had finally finished spilling out, Rey sighed and laid her cheek on his chest.

“I love you, Ben.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ben allowed her words to wash over him. He was humbled before her forgiveness and the generosity of her heart. It was as constant as the Force. His Rey was so special.

“I know.” Tears rose in his eyes to finally hear those words. Ben shuddered as he felt her small, cold nose nuzzle his neck, searching for warmth.

What now?” she asked.

Ben chuckled and drew back to kiss that cold nose before leaving another on her pliant mouth.

“Well, my first recommendation is that we get out of this dampness.” Gesturing out toward the roiling sea beyond the cliffs, Ben’s natural sardonic humor rose to the fore. “Please tell me this is _not_ the ocean you’ve always dreamed of.”

Rey laughed and moved to rise, holding out her hand for his. Ben was only too eager to take it “Definitely not. Desert girl, remember? Somewhere warmer would be really good.”

Ben unfolded himself to stand and both reached for the discarded pillows and blanket with their free hands.

“Will you hold me again?” Rey whispered, not quite meeting his eyes.

Ben leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her neck and then whispered in her ear, “All night. _Always_.”

He was rewarded by the brilliant smile of the beautiful woman he loved. The mother of his child.

It was bliss.

***

“It might not be the most comfortable bed you have ever slept on,” Rey warned, eyeing the stone slab with its mattress of dried grasses.

“It’s fine, Rey. I’ve slept in worse places.”

Ben watched from his place under the blanket as Rey fussed with the fire and straightened the few items around the room for a second time. She was avoiding coming to bed with him.

“Rey,” Ben began with gentle concern, “we do not have to share this bed tonight. I can go back to the _Falcon_ and find a comfortable place to sleep. Or I can take myself off to one of the other empty huts.”

Rey froze and slowly turned to face him, meeting his eyes at last. “You don’t want to stay here with me?” Her voice sounded so uncertain and so small.

Ben’s heart overflowed with tenderness for her. “Of course I want to stay here with you, Rey. I would love nothing more than to hold you through the night, but it’s more important to me that you feel completely comfortable with this arrangement.”

Rey moved toward the bed and sank to the edge, still avoiding his gaze. “You…you don’t want to…”

Ben had always been honest with Rey. He refused to start lying to her now.

“ _Make love to you?_ Yes, more than anything. I’ve dreamed about what it would be like to touch your beautiful body and give you pleasure. I want so much to hear you call out my name in your ecstasy and be a part of you.” Ben could hear Rey draw in a quick breath at his candor. He sensed the pulse at the base of her throat rush at his words. Given the way she kissed him earlier, he hoped that the tell-tale flutter was the result of mounting excitement, not fear.

He hoped his next words would reassure her.

“But…Sweetheart, I don’t think we should take that step until we are both ready.”

Rey’s eyes shot to his. “You don’t?”

Ben shook his head slowly, his eyes always on hers. This was too important to leave any chance of misunderstanding. “No. I…I have had the…opportunity…to take advantage of women who were eager to say that they slept with Kylo Ren -or any leader of the First Order - but I never have.”

Rey looked stunned. “I just…I thought with you being so much older than me…and the way you look, you would expect…”

Ben reached out and placed one hand over hers. “Expect? No, Rey. Understand now. Whatever happens between us will never be a result of expectations, _mine or yours_ , but of a natural progression of the love we bear one another. In bed or out of it, we will always be equals.”

Ben watched as Rey let out a deep breath and gave him a small smile. “ _Thank you._ ”

“There is no need for thanks.” It was Ben’s turn to be bashful and he looked away for a moment. “I like to think that the reason I never took advantage of the women who put themselves in my way, other than the fact that I have never _wanted_ any woman but you, is that the Force knew you were in my future and wanted to keep us only for each other.”

Rey’s eyes shone in the firelight, reminding him of the night when they first touched hands across their bond. This time, though, he could sense her tears were happy ones as Rey acknowledged the fundamental truth he had accepted long ago: _the Force chose them for each other_.

“ _Our dyad_ ,” Rey whispered.

“Yes,” Ben agreed.

Rey nipped on her thumb, lost in thought for a moment, clearly considering his words. The unguarded movement was so enticing that Ben looked away, afraid that she would see the desire on his face. Nothing would ever be as important to him as having her feel safe with him, especially when it came to the topic of intimacy. They would only learn each other once and Ben wanted that experience to be sacred.

A grin broke over Rey’s face. “Do you like the left side or the right side?”

Ah, there was his sweet, brave girl.

“I just like your side.” They would be sharing a pillow if he had anything to say about it.

Rey blushed a little but giggled at his determination to keep her close. “I think we can manage that.”

Ben lifted the blanket, gesturing for her to come to the warmth and safety of his arms. “Come to bed, Sweetheart.”

Rey crawled in, turning her back to his chest. Ben immediately pulled her against him, sliding an arm under her for support and tucking the blankets around them to create a soft, airtight cocoon.

When they were both settled, each let out a contented sigh and their bond sang with approval.

“Good night, Ben,” Rey whispered. “I love you.”

“Sleep well, my Scavenger,” he answered, bending to kiss her temple. “I love you, too.”

Ben reached up to stroke her hair while Rey entwined her fingers with his free hand. He waited patiently until the extraordinary woman in his arms surrendered to a peaceful sleep.

 _Thank you, Force_ , Ben offered up to the connection between all living things.

Tonight, he slept, alive and well, with the woman he loved and their child held securely in his arms. It had been the most perfect day of Ben’s life.

Whatever happened next, Ben thought as his eyes drifted closed, he did not intend to waste the gift he had been given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my wonderful friends - thank you for the flood of lovely comments. I'm glad that the last chapter hit you in the feels! :) I hope this chapter continues the warm fuzzies. I thought you deserved to have something sooner than later!
> 
> I really like the idea that Ben and Rey never lie to each other. I think that honesty and frankness would extend to the bedroom. I also like the idea that despite being pregnant with Ben's child and saving the galaxy, the Force has saved them for each other. What are your thoughts? 
> 
> Next chapter we get to hear from our favorite Force ghosts again and Ben and Rey begin to piece together what should happen next.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic, like I imagine Ben Solo, is stuck in the World Between Worlds. Will you please help me decide if it needs additional chapters? I'm tempted to leave it as a one-shot. Full disclosure - I do have a whole plot for what happens now, but it will be a journey and I'll need the support to begin to get there.
> 
> For those of you wondering, RL has been kicking my behind in terms of time. I haven't abandoned any of my ongoing fics. I am working on them. This came out first. I count the idea that I wanted to write AT ALL as a win considering how angry I was at the franchise for what they did to Ben Solo. What a waste of a character who, IMO, is the most complex and interesting character in 40 years of a franchise. What a towering performance Adam has given us.
> 
> I'd LOVE and APPRECIATE your comments on this work and on TROS. Always AMAZING to chat!


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